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Dear [person’s name], 

[Personal introduction] 

I want to schedule a time to tell you something I’ve always wanted to say, but never took the time. This will be a positive experience and is an important step I’m taking to complete the Next Great Adventure program. 

The program has instituted a deadline in three days and I’ll follow up tomorrow to confirm you have received this invitation. 

Thanks kindly, 

[Your name]

Example:

Dear Dad, 

I hope everything is going well at home with you and Mom. 

I want to schedule a time to tell you something I’ve always wanted to say, but never took the time. This will be a positive experience and is an important step I’m taking to complete the Next Great Adventure program. 

The program has instituted a deadline in three days so I will follow up if I haven’t heard from you. 

Thanks kindly, 

Clark

● Ranking your Gratitude List based on a gut instinct can produce the most sincere results.  

● This list can be for your eyes only. Though there are certain people for whom we’re eternally grateful, you might feel a stronger urge to rank someone else higher right now. 

● Struggling to identify multiple people to whom you want to give thanks? Ask yourself who would benefit the most from receiving your gift of gratitude

● What is a reasonable distance to meet in-person this week? That is up to you. One helpful question to ask yourself: Will the effort to get there be greater than the potential regret of never expressing gratitude to this person if they died today? 

● Your relationship with this person can influence the tone of your appointment message. Colleagues or mentors might warrant a more formal voice; friends and family a more informal one. 

“People ask, “Well, how shall we practice this gratefulness?” says Brother David Stiendl-Rast, a Benedictine monk and expert on the gentle power of gratitude. “And there is a very simple kind of methodology to it: Stop, look, go.”

In this On Being podcast episode, Stiendl-Rast explains how to be grateful in every moment. 

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“I am grateful,” wrote Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, “not in order that my neighbour, provoked by the earlier act of kindness, may be more ready to benefit me, but simply in order that I may perform a most pleasant and beautiful act; I feel grateful, not because it profits me, but because it pleases me.”

Read more from Seneca on gratitude’s inherent value.

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“I noticed in myself,” says Dr. Laura Trice, a counselor and therapist, “when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why?”

Watch or listen to her 3-minute talk on the power of saying thank you. 

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Positive Psychology lists the best books to read on gratitude. 

Hey Dad,

What I always wanted to say to you, but never found the time to is thank you for sacrificing part of your dreams so I could pursue mine. When life hurled the responsibility of fatherhood your way, you accepted it with grace and humility. You became a Dad first always, at least around me. 

What I wish people told you more is how strong and honorable you are, especially in those big moments when our family needs you. And yet, on the same day, you can lift everyone’s spirits with your goofy jokes, dances, and those little voices you do. 

When I’m around you, you make my day great because you always find some new way to make me laugh. You showed me it was possible to step up as a man when appropriate and not lose that childlike soul we were all born with in the process. 

Because of you, I understand when to take life seriously and when to not. I meet a lot of people who don’t completely get that delicate balance. And when I talk with these people, some voice deep inside whispers how lucky I am to be born your son. 

Thank you again for every sacrifice you made and every lesson you taught me. I always chuckle quietly when I reach some moment where life proves your wisdom correct. See, you even make me laugh when you’re not around. I guess I should thank you for that, too. 

Love, 

Your son Clark

● Typing your letter on a computer first might help you get started.

● Thoughtful gifts require thoughtful planning, so be sure to include specific anecdotes and details that communicate what you appreciate about the person. 

● Writing your letter from beginning to end is unnecessary. Constructing your letter out of order can help clarify transitions between phrases and emotions. 

● Since you will give away this letter, take a picture where the words are legible as a personal keepsake. Alternatively, type a digital copy to save in your files. 

Gratitude letter writers usually underestimate what a recipient will value. Writers overly prioritize words and sentence structure while recipients “tend to evaluate things on the basis of warmth and prosocial intent,” says Amit Kumar, a professor who studied the effects of gratitude letters.

“As long as somebody’s expression is sincere and warm and friendly, recipients are often going to have a very positive reaction to that,” he added.  

(One study found recipients usually rated the letters more articulate and warm than the writers expected they would.).

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"In this day and age, a handwritten note is something that people really feel is special,” says John Kralik, who wrote a thank you note every day for one year. 

Read his 10 tips for writing the perfect thank you note or read an excerpt from his book 365 Thank Yous: The Year A Simple Act Of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life. 

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Writing a gratitude letter provides serious mental health benefits, a 2017 Berkeley study found. The practice can even rewire your brain, scientists discovered, producing “greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, a brain area associated with learning and decision making.” 

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Famous people write gratitude letters, too.

● Offering the gratitude letter should feel ceremonial. A sample suggestion: “I’d like to present you this letter as a keepsake of what our relationship has meant to me.”

● Asking follow-up questions can provide more meaningful exchanges after reading your letter. Some useful examples are “What do you mean by that?” or “Why do you think that?” 

● Minimizing outside distractions and interruptions can improve the intention and intimacy of your meeting. Silence your phone and consider asking your recipient to do the same. 

● Reading your letter slowly allows the opportunity to observe your listener’s reactions and for them to digest your words completely. Pausing every couple sentences can also help. 

● The setting for your reading can influence your letter’s significance. Consider visiting a place mentioned in your writing or somewhere that holds special meaning between the two of you. 

Every act of gratitude carries immense ripple effects. When someone was witnessed expressing gratitude, witnesses more likely desired becoming friends or romantic partners with that person. 

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Reading your gratitude letter in person can be an emotional experience. Taking a moment afterwards for yourself can allow those waves of feelings to settle. 

If you need some direction, privately answer or journal your response to one of these questions: 

● Who in your life are experts at expressing gratitude and what can you learn from them? 

● What do you love about your home, and have you taken time to enjoy it recently? 

● What about nature recently made you feel calm, peaceful, or free?

● What choice in the last year do you want to thank yourself for making?